When Anxiety Isn’t the Problem —But the Signal

I coach high-performing leaders.

People who’ve built companies, managed global teams, survived reorgs, scaled revenue, raised kids, launched products, moved countries.

You’d think they have it all figured out.

And yet—week after week—anxiety shows up in the room.

But not the dramatic kind.

I’m talking about the quiet, gnawing, always-on kind.

→ The racing thoughts at night. 

→ The Sunday scaries by Friday. 

→ The meetings that feel heavier than they should. 

→ The relentless scanning for what might go wrong.

If this sounds familiar—you’re not broken. You’re likely overloaded.

The Culture of Constant Threat

Most high-achievers I coach aren’t anxious because they’re weak. They’re anxious because they’re hyper-responsible. Because their environment is high-stakes. Because the culture tells them: 

More is better. Faster is better. Be on. Be available. Be perfect.

It’s not a personal flaw. It’s an overused strength.

Hyper-vigilance is what made you successful. But it’s also what might be eating you alive.

My Own Experience

I’ll be honest—this isn’t just something I coach clients through. It’s something I’ve had to navigate myself.

In my final years at Google, I started waking up at 3:00 a.m. regularly. Not because I had too much coffee. But because my brain wouldn't shut off.

I’d mentally replay every 1:1 I had that day. Worry if I’d missed something in a QBR. Think about a team member who looked disengaged. Stress about the kids' logistics the next morning.

I looked like I had it all under control. But internally, I was always scanning. Always preempting. Always holding it all.

And the more successful I became, the worse it got. Because there was more to lose. More people depending on me. More expectations I had internalized without question.

The irony is that I didn’t even call it anxiety at the time. I called it “being prepared.” “Caring deeply.” “Being a good leader.”

But over time, that low-grade buzz of anxiety became a constant hum. And I knew I had to do something differently—not just feel differently.

Anxiety as Information

Here’s the reframe I now use with clients (and with myself):

Anxiety is a dashboard light. Not the engine itself.

It’s telling you something needs attention. Maybe it's:

✓ A boundary you’ve been avoiding. 

✓ A decision you’ve been delaying. 

✓ A truth you’re not ready to say out loud. 

✓ A mismatch between your values and your reality. 

✓ A system that needs to change—so you can stop holding it all yourself.

What Helps (Beyond Deep Breaths)

Yes, mindfulness and therapy are important. But for leaders, you also need structural change. Start with:

1. Audit Your Inputs → What are you consuming daily—Slack, email, news, meetings—and how much of it is fueling fear?

   
   

2. Decide What’s Yours to Hold → Anxiety often spikes when you’re carrying weight that’s not really yours—like other people’s emotions, unmade decisions, or unsaid expectations.

   
   

3. Create Decision-Making Frameworks → When you reduce ambiguity, you reduce anxiety. Frameworks help you move from reactivity to clarity.

   
   

4. Name What You’re Avoiding → Anxiety grows in silence. Naming the hard thing often shrinks it back to size.

You’re Allowed to Lead Calmly

Anxiety doesn’t mean you’re not a good leader. It means you care. Maybe too much. And maybe without enough support.

If anxiety is running your calendar, your team, or your sleep—it’s time to rewire, not just cope.

What I have seen help with my own anxiety is reframing the narrative from being resilient to being adequately resourced. Resilience matters, but it’s not the whole story. The leaders (and parents) who navigate pressure well aren’t the ones muscling through. They’re the ones with enough support, structure, and space to move through challenges. 

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Hi! I'm Merve!

I help ambitious leaders and organizations lead through challenges without letting anxiety take control. 

Here are six ways we can work together:

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