How to Be More Decisive Without Being a Jerk
- Merve Kagitci Hokamp
- Jun 30
- 4 min read
Most people think there are only two types of decision-makers:
→ The bulldozers who steamroll everyone in their path
→ And the wishy washy ones who can't even pick a restaurant
The bulldozers move fast — but often leave a trail of resentment behind.
You know the type.
They walk into the meeting, shut down discussion in ten minutes, and announce their decision like it's gospel.
Efficient? Yes.
Respected? Maybe.
Trusted? Not really.
On the other end of the spectrum, there's the overthinker. The leader who needs one more deck. One more stakeholder check-in. One more benchmark report.
They stall.
The team stalls.
Momentum dies a slow death.
Neither extreme builds the trust or energy you need for real leadership.
But there's a third way. Somewhere between the dictator and the ditherer is where actual leadership lives.
The Cost of Indecision
Research from McKinsey shows that fast, high-quality decision-making is one of the strongest predictors of business performance. Yet a separate study from Harvard Business Review found that only 57% of executives believe their organization makes decisions well.
Translation: We're wasting time, money, and energy second-guessing ourselves.
But here's what the research doesn't capture: the human cost.
When you can't make decisions, people around you lose confidence. They start making assumptions, working around you, or just checking out entirely.
Sarah, a marketing director I know, used to agonize over every campaign detail. "Let me think about it" became her default response. Her team started scheduling "fake deadlines" two weeks before real ones because they knew she'd need multiple rounds of back-and-forth. Eventually, her best people left for companies where they could actually execute ideas.
Speed vs. Steamrolling
On the flip side, there's the "move fast and break things" crowd — leaders who confuse decisiveness with dominance.
Take Marcus, a startup founder who prided himself on making gut decisions in under 30 seconds. He'd cut people off mid-sentence, announce a verdict, and expect immediate alignment. His mantra was: "We don't have time for analysis paralysis."
This approach backfired. His team disengaged, stopped sharing ideas, and avoided raising problems. Conversations became one-way verdicts, not exchanges. Over time, Marcus's snap decisions - often made with limited context - bred a culture of caution, silos, and withheld information.
Eighteen months in, three of his five co-founders had quit.
The Jerk Test: Are You Still Listening?
Decisiveness without empathy becomes authoritarianism. The real litmus test is this: are you still curious while you lead?
You can be quick without being dismissive. You can be firm without being inflexible.
One Head of Sales I coach does this brilliantly. She kicks off every big decision process with open-floor discussion. Everyone speaks. Then, she distills, decides, and moves.
Her team loves her clarity. But what they respect even more is that they were heard.
What to Watch Out For When Being Decisive
If your team hesitates to share concerns, if decisions get revisited constantly, or if you feel the need to overexplain every call you make — those are symptoms.
They point to either:
✓ unclear decision-making criteria
✓ lack of alignment on goals
✓ or trust gaps in your leadership style
None of which get solved by pushing harder. They require a smarter structure.
Use a Decision-Making Framework, Not Your Ego
When the stakes are high, I often walk clients through the DECIDE framework:
Define the problem — Get crystal clear on what you're actually solving before you start evaluating solutions.
Establish criteria — Set the standards upfront so everyone knows how you'll judge the options.
Consider alternatives — Generate multiple possibilities instead of defaulting to the first or most obvious choice.
Identify the best option — Weigh each alternative against your criteria and pick the one that scores highest.
Develop a plan — Map out the concrete steps needed to implement your decision successfully.
Evaluate results — Track what happens so you can learn and improve your decision-making process.
It sounds basic, but this kind of structure creates confidence — not just for the leader, but for everyone around them. It removes ambiguity and helps shift the narrative from "Who made the call?" to "How did we arrive here?"
The Trust Dividend in Decisiveness
Here's what happens when you get this right: people start bringing you the hard decisions, not just the easy ones. They trust that you'll consider their input and explain your reasoning.
They don't waste time gaming your decision-making process because it's transparent and consistent.
Most importantly, they don't confuse your decisiveness with arrogance because you're not using your authority as a weapon.
The best leaders I know aren't the ones who never make mistakes. They're the ones who make decisions with incomplete information, learn from what happens, and adjust course quickly when needed.
You don't need to choose between being paralyzed by options and bulldozing through people. You can be both decisive and decent. Your team—and your results—will thank you for it.
Hi! I'm Merve!
I help ambitious leaders and organizations lead through challenges with control and psychological safety.
Here are six ways we can work together:
Book a 1:1 Coaching Session: Tailored to your individual goals, I offer in-depth guidance, a focused strategy, and results-oriented accountability to help you navigate your professional and personal challenges for meaningful progress.
Bring a Custom Leadership Workshop to Your Organization: I work with companies to design and deliver bespoke, high-impact leadership workshops tailored to their unique challenges and goals. Whether it's developing leadership capabilities, strengthening team dynamics, or navigating organizational change, I create sessions that drive real results.
Join Signature Leadership Programs: Designed for corporate leaders and business owners at all stages of the leadership journey, these programs blend 1:1 coaching with group workshops and training, equipping you to grow your career, earnings, and business success.
Subscribe to My FREE Monthly Newsletter: Stay updated with the latest in leadership and business with insights and musings delivered directly to your inbox.
Access FREE Worksheets for Leaders: Visit my website to access and download worksheets and workbooks that provide practical exercises for enhancing self-awareness, self-reflection, and fostering positive change in your leadership and team dynamics.
Follow me on LinkedIn: Connect with me on LinkedIn for daily updates, thought-provoking articles, and a community of like-minded professionals committed to continuous growth and leadership excellence. Join the conversation and stay inspired on your leadership journey.
