The 68 vs. 1 Rule: How Leaders Handle Outlier Feedback Without Losing the Plot
- Merve Kagitci Hokamp
- Sep 8
- 5 min read
It was 2:07 AM and I was staring at the ceiling, replaying two paragraphs of feedback in my head for the hundredth time.
Earlier that week, I'd delivered a leadership training to over 100 participants. The response was overwhelming — 72 feedback forms came back, with 68 glowing reviews and several offering thoughtful, constructive suggestions. People reached out personally to share how the content had shifted their thinking. One participant called it "transformational." Another said it was "exactly what our leadership team needed to hear."
But there was that one form. The destroyer. Two paragraphs systematically tearing apart everything from the framework to the delivery style. Not constructive criticism — just pure, unleashed negativity.
And somehow, out of all that praise, that's what had colonized my brain at 2 AM.
The Leadership Trap We All Fall Into
Here's the thing about being a leader: you're paid to listen, but not to be steered by statistical outliers. Yet negativity bias, risk aversion, and perfectionism create a perfect storm where one anonymous critique can suddenly rewrite your entire strategy.
I've seen executives pivot product roadmaps because of a single harsh review.
I've watched founders completely overhaul their pitch because one investor was brutal in their feedback.
I've coached leaders who spent more mental energy on their one difficult team member than on the ten who were thriving.
We tell ourselves we're being "responsive to feedback" or "taking all perspectives seriously." Really, we're letting our brain's evolutionary wiring hijack our leadership judgment.
The Neuroscience of the Velcro Brain
Our brains are wired for survival, not success. Negative information sticks like Velcro while positive feedback slides off like Teflon. This made sense when avoiding predators, but it's disastrous for modern leadership.
When that harsh feedback hits, your amygdala fires up the same alarm bells it would for physical danger. Suddenly, you're not thinking strategically — you're in threat response mode, trying to fix whatever this one person criticized.
Meanwhile, the voices of the 68 people who found value get drowned out by the neurochemical noise of that single negative experience.
One of my coaching clients, a product manager at a tech company, experienced this firsthand. After launching a new feature that received overwhelmingly positive user feedback, she became obsessed with a scathing review from someone who clearly wasn't their target user. She spent three weeks redesigning core functionality to address that one complaint, ultimately confusing their actual users and dropping engagement metrics.
The wake-up call came when her team lead asked: "Are we building for our customers, or for this one person who probably should be using our competitor's product?"
The 68 vs. 1 Rule
I've developed a simple framework that's helped dozens of leaders — including myself — navigate this challenge:
68 = Your core signal (the majority positive themes)
A few = Constructive gold (specific, actionable, repeated)
1 = The outlier (emotionally loud, strategically small)
Your job as a leader is to extract value from the middle bucket without letting the last one hijack your brain— or your team's priorities.
A Decision Framework That Actually Works
When feedback lands on your desk, don't let it marinate in your emotional center. Put it through a systematic filter:
Step 1: Classify Fast Ask three questions:
Repeatable? Do multiple people mention this issue?
Actionable? Can we address it within 1-2 development cycles?
Material? Will fixing this move metrics we actually track (retention, satisfaction, performance)?
Step 2: Score It (0-3)
0 = Venting, personal preference, or wrong audience
1 = Interesting but not material to our goals
2 = Actionable improvement that aligns with strategy
3 = Must-fix (clear pattern with high impact)
Step 3: Route It
2-3 scores → backlog with specific owner and timeline
1 scores → parking lot for next quarterly review
0 scores → thank them, then move on
Step 4: Close the Loop
Publish a "What we heard / What we're doing" summary. This signals that you listen thoughtfully and act decisively.
What to Do With the Outlier
Last month, I worked with a CEO whose company had received brutal feedback from a potential client who decided not to purchase. The critique was harsh and personal, attacking everything from their pricing model to their company culture.
Instead of spiraling, we walked through a process:
Extract the diamond: Was there a specific, testable claim buried in the emotion? In this case, yes — a point about their onboarding timeline that had merit.
Strip the adjectives: Remove the emotional language and focus on data. "Your process is bureaucratic and awful" became "Initial setup took 6 weeks when we needed 2 weeks."
Check for fit: Was this actually their target customer? Analysis revealed this prospect was significantly smaller than their ideal client profile and had very different needs.
Set a boundary: The CEO crafted a response: "We appreciate the perspective on timeline. We're committed to serving mid-market companies who value comprehensive implementation. For organizations needing faster deployment, Company X might be a better fit."
The result: They improved their onboarding timeline by approx. 30% (addressing the valid concern) while staying focused on their target market (ignoring the misaligned demands).
Making Your Brain Your Ally
The goal isn't to become immune to feedback — it's to process it strategically rather than emotionally.
I now pre-commit to ratios: 80% of my mental energy goes to building on what the majority found valuable, 20% to incorporating constructive improvements, and 0% to spiraling over outliers.
When I feel that familiar 2 AM rumination starting, I literally say out loud: "My brain is doing the Velcro thing again." Naming the bias breaks its power.
Then I redirect that energy into action. One improvement ticket beats three nights of overthinking every single time.
The Templates That Save Sanity
Here's what I use now when feedback comes in:
Internal "What we heard / What we're doing" summary:
Keep doing: Top 3 things the majority loved
Improve next: 3 items scored "2-3" with owners and dates
Not for us (now): Outlier items with one-line explanation why
Response to constructive feedback: "Thanks for the specific note on [X]. We've queued an update for [date] to [action]. If you're open to it, I'll share the before/after — your input helped sharpen this."
Response to the outlier: "Appreciate you taking time to share a strong view. Our focus is [target audience] and we're optimizing for [outcome]. We're incorporating a few tweaks based on broader patterns, and we'll keep shipping in that direction."
The Real Leadership Test
The next time feedback lands on your desk, remember: you're not building for the most negative voice in the room. You're building for the people who actually benefit from your work and who are constructive about their developmental feedback.
Let them be your North Star, not the noise.
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Hi! I'm Merve. 👋 I help leaders build high performing teams, amplify their business impact, and advance their careers.
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