How to Build a Business While Raising Small Kids as an Expat: Juggling ambition, identity, and nap time
- Merve Kagitci Hokamp
- Jun 9
- 5 min read
When I launched my coaching business, I had two things on my mind:
How to make it successful.
How to not miss the moments that actually matter — the bedtime cuddles, the toddler mispronunciations, the school pickups where you get the best stories.
Oh, and I was also doing it all in a country that wasn't mine, with no grandparents down the street, no childhood friends on speed dial, and a healthcare system I was still figuring out.
If you're building a business while raising young children and navigating life as an expat — you’re not alone.
It’s a unique cocktail of freedom, pressure, confusion, and unexpected clarity.
And I don't have the perfect formula or all the answers, but here’s what I’ve learned (and am still learning):
1. Redefine Productivity
Forget 9–5. Forget hustle culture.
When you’re raising small kids, your time is fragmented. School pickups, nap windows, sick days, half-eaten lunches.
I’ve run a six-figure coaching business in the hours between drop-offs and dinnertime — sometimes while breastfeeding on mute. (Mostly.)
My tip is to get super clear on the 20% of tasks that actually move the needle..
→ Do that first. → Let the rest be optional.
2. Accept the Guilt — Then Keep Going
You’ll feel guilty when you're working instead of playing. And you’ll feel guilty when you're playing instead of working.
That’s the paradox.
When I started blocking off time just for me time and time with my kids, it wasn’t because I had it all figured out — it was because I needed to create boundaries before burnout forced me to.
Boundaries before breakdown.
3. Outsource What You Can in Business and Life
I used to wear my DIY badge like a medal.
Then I realized I was the bottleneck in my own business and life.
Now, I invest in childcare when I need to. I hire a VA to manage my content uploads. I’ve even outsourced meal prep at times.
That doesn’t make me less of a mother — it makes me a more present, less depleted one.
Free up your time for where you create the most impact — whether that’s with your clients, your kids, or your own wellbeing.
4. Build a Village (Even If It’s Virtual)
Expat life can be isolating. Building a business can be too.
Put the two together, and you need connection — not just for sanity, but for survival.
Find your tribe: the other founders, the moms with wild dreams, the ones who get it.
Some of my most important collaborators and clients have come from WhatsApp chats, school gates, and DMs that started with “Hey, saw your post — I think we’re living parallel lives.”
Your community might not be local — but it can still be powerful.
5. Let Your Kids See You Build Your Business
This one’s personal.
My kids have watched me on sales calls.
They’ve seen me deliver webinars.
They’ve sat on my lap while I edit workbooks or draft proposals.
They’re growing up seeing that work can be creative.
That women can lead.
That success doesn’t have to look like a corner office — it can look like showing up with purpose and making it to the school play.
That’s the legacy I care about.
Let’s Be Honest…
Sometimes I get jealous.
Of the moms with three nannies — one who cooks, one who drives, one who’s basically a live-in COO.
Of friends who live five minutes from grandparents who jump in to babysit, bring dinner, or offer advice on demand.
I’m from Turkey. I live in Ireland. My husband’s American. We’ve built a life we love — one that sustains and inspires us — but it didn’t come with a village.
So I create my own reality. One that includes support I pay for, boundaries I build, and a work-life blend that (mostly) works.
What I’ve Learned from Coaching Others
I talk to a lot of people — leaders, founders, parents — who are making it up as they go. Just like I am.
Some have help. Some don’t. Some carry guilt. Some carry privilege. But almost all of them ask the same question:
How can my family life ENABLE my work life — and vice versa?
We’ve been conditioned to see our personal lives as something to be managed, minimized, or even apologized for.
That client call you rescheduled because your kid was sick?
That early bedtime that cut into your evening work session?
That mental fog after a night of broken sleep?
They’re often framed as interruptions to work — not part of the ecosystem of how you work.
But what if we flipped the script?
What if our personal lives weren’t a barrier — but a foundation?
What if parenting didn’t shrink our ambition, but sharpened our clarity?
What if expat life didn’t scatter us, but helped us lead with empathy, adaptability, and global insight?
Sure, there are tradeoffs. No one's pretending otherwise.
There will be moments of guilt, friction, and compromise — times when you wonder if you’re shortchanging one thing for another. But it’s not a zero-sum game.
The truth is: Your personal life doesn’t have to compete with your professional goals. It can fuel them.
It can be the reason you work smarter. The force that keeps you grounded. The perspective that makes you a better leader.
That’s the shift I’m still learning — and the one I see so many others starting to make, too.
Final Thoughts
If you're building a business while raising kids in a country that isn’t “home” — you're already doing something brave.
It won’t be linear. It won’t be glamorous. But it can be powerful. Especially if you define success on your own terms.
Not by someone else’s highlight reel. But by the life you’re building — for your kids, and for yourself.
Hi! I'm Merve!
I help ambitious leaders and organizations build values-driven, culturally intelligent leadership — in ways that work in real life. Whether you're raising kids, growing a business, or doing both across continents, I believe your life and work can support each other — not compete.
Here are six ways we can work together:
Book a 1:1 Coaching Session: Tailored to your individual goals, I offer in-depth guidance, a focused strategy, and results-oriented accountability to help you navigate your professional and personal challenges for meaningful progress.
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