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Writer's pictureMerve Kagitci Hokamp

Venus versus Mars, YOLO versus FOMO, European Pleasure Focus versus American Work Culture

My daughter had a school holiday last week so we decided to go visit our friends in Belgium and Luxembourg, experience new cities we had never been to (which included the very romantic city of Bruges on Valentine’s Day) and learn about new cultures, and perhaps most importantly, give the kids a difference of scenery and a chance to play with our friends’ kids.

luxembourg

Chatting to our friends about life and making observations while on the road uncovered what I think are some interesting insights:

  • I wanted to buy baby food late some evening and realized grocery stores close by 8pm and are completely closed on Sundays in Belgium - this reminded me of the times I lived in Austria and France. It was no issue then, because along with everyone else living there, I knew that's how it was and I got my food and supplies during hours of operation. But this time, I was not prepared. I've grown accustomed to the culture of clicking a button or swiping right and left to get whatever I need at my door within 30 minutes at whatever hour in USA and Turkey, or at least somewhere in between in Ireland where you can get groceries until 22:00 and some stores (including one very close to where I live) being open till midnight.

  • In Belgium, daycare and after-school costs are determined based on the family’s income, and cost somewhere between 2.50 to 30 Euros per day. I believe France has a similar system. This ensures that kids from diverse backgrounds and from families of different means can easily mix and go to the same school, and you don't feel like you have to work very hard and have a high-paying corporate job to be able to send your children to school. That's called walking the talk of diversity, equality, and inclusion, as opposed to just talking the talk (and most of the time even overtalking the talk) -- highly respectable.

european bike paths, cycle path

  • They have completely separated cycle paths even on the highway in Belgium, which we thought were amazing! You also see walking paths and walkable cities in Europe - people are commuting to work or whereever else they may be going by bike, by foot, by public transport with ease. That way, you not only get exercise (a good habit to avoid the increasing obesity issues most common in USA) but you also mix with others (community as opposed to individualism), and protect the environment.

  • Belgium and Luxembourg have two of the best public transport systems in Europe, with an extensive network of buses and trains that connect most parts of the country. And in Luxembourg, public transport is free. And in both countries it's clean and safe. Yet another way to encourage community, ease of travel, equality and inclusion as well as environmental awareness.

  • We took our baby to the doctor because he had a cold and the doctor prescribed iboprofen to ease discomfort. The experience was quite seamless and no-frills. While we did pay both for the doctor's visit and the pharmacy because we do not live in Luxembourg, I was told, in Luxembourg, all hospitals are public, and healthcare is free if you are a citizen or a resident.

  • In Luxembourg employees are entitled to up to 10 weeks of paid vacation annually. In Belgium, employers must provide a minimum of 20 days of paid leave per year. Just like in Ireland where I currently live, it's common for people to plan their holidays months in advance, as it is well-accepted that everyone - no matter what income level - should be able to afford and deserves a holiday, complete time off to relax and recharge.

  • My friends told me about people they know who quit their high-paying investment banking and consulting jobs to become gardeners, carpenters, travel bloggers because the stress was just not worth it.

  • We went to a nice restaurant for lunch in Luxembourg, and the waitress got visibly mad at me because I asked if they had something that was not on the menu (in case they were able to accommodate my kids' needs) politely. She thought I was out of line and was being offensive I suppose, and she certainly did not hide her emotions about my unacceptable ask. She clearly does not subscribe to the American 'customer-first' philosophy, and I don't think she was worried about losing her job for bad customer service.

Thinking about these observations and the fundamental differences between European and American lifestyles made me remember an essay I had read a while back titled, “Americans are from Mars, Europeans are from Venus” by Robert Kagan. So my friends and I got into heated discussions and philosophical musings about Marsians and Venusians: What were the fundamental differences that make these two continents seem like two different planets? In the current context of the recent developments in the tech industry -- the layoffs and AI wars being on top of the agenda -- what made each culture uniquely positioned, who was at a disadvantage? In what sense? Where did the opportunities lie? Where did we want to live?

The European welfare system has led to a society that is less focused on individualism and competition but instead values collective effort and shared responsibility for providing a safety net for everyone.

In the US, capitalism has been an integral part of society since its founding, making it the most capitalist country in the world. This means that businesses are largely unregulated and are allowed to pursue profits without much government interference. This often results in an emphasis on hard work and individualism, as well as a focus on economic growth over other aspects of life. Meanwhile, in Europe welfare systems have been more established for longer than in the US. This means that citizens receive more benefits from the government including health care, unemployment benefits, and other social services. The European welfare system has led to a society that is less focused on individualism and competition but instead values collective effort and shared responsibility for providing a safety net for everyone.


In the US, there is no universal public health insurance system, with most citizens relying on employer-provided health insurance plans or government programs such as Medicaid. But over 78 million Americans (Source) do not have adequate health insurance (of the world’s developed countries only the US and South Africa offer no universal medical coverage). In Europe, however, all citizens are provided with a comprehensive health insurance package that covers doctor visits, hospital stays, prescription drugs and more.

The employee had worked for the fast food chain for three years when she missed a day due to going into labor with her baby. That same day she was fired due to her absence without any prior warning or notice from her employer.

Similarly, Europe and USA differ when it comes to parental leave entitlements. The EU Charter of Fundamental Rights guarantees the “right to parental leave following the birth or adoption of a child” and European countries provide at least partial pay for their employees during their parental leave. In Sweden, for example, women get sixty-four weeks off and two thirds of their wages. In Portugal, statutory maternity leave is three months at 100% of salary. In Ireland, mothers get 6 months paid maternity leave, 4 months unpaid maternity leave as well as 7 weeks of paid parent’s leave until the child is 2 and 26 weeks of parental leave until the child is 13. The US federal government, on the other hand, guarantees nothing. A recent incident involving a fast food chain employee highlights how some employers deny their employees their rights when it comes to maternity leave. The employee had worked for the fast food chain for three years when she missed a day due to going into labor with her baby. That same day she was fired due to her absence without any prior warning or notice from her employer.

work culture, burnout

The results of this purely capitalist system in the USA are company dependency and job lock. People become dependent on their employment for their health insurance, and they cannot fathom leaving their jobs even if they hate them or even if they know they are compromising their health (as ironic as it is!), their family, their own personal time for their hobbies. If they leave their jobs and become gardeners (like in the example of people in my Belgian friends’ network) they are rightfully concerned that they will not have any healthcare coverage should they or their family need medical interventions. They want to work for companies with generous maternity and paternity benefits (e.g. the FAANG) and if they leave and go for less prestigious companies, pursue their passions and/or strengths, they feel they will not be able to support their families, be able to take care of their babies, finance college education for their kids, etc. Their jobs are more likely to become their identities, and while they avoid being in a situation where they cannot provide for or protect themselves and their families, they are prone to career enmeshment. (Read my blog post on career and identity here)

In a capitalist system like that of the United States, people are more ambitious because they know they can become billionaires if they work hard and take risks.

silicon valley, innovation

Now, let's look at it from a different angle. American At-Will Employment system, which allows companies to employ individuals without any written contract or implied guarantees when it comes to job security, also provides employees with more freedom, autonomy, and flexibility, allowing them to take more risks with their jobs. The more they work, the more money they can make, and the more benefits they can be eligible for. They can even start their own business, disrupt the market, and become the boss of their own empires. (and that’s, of course, the American Dream, as we know it) In a capitalist system like that of the United States, people are more ambitious because they know they can become billionaires if they work hard and take risks. This possibility has resulted in a lot of innovation and advancement in for example the tech industry, most notably in the Silicon Valley, due to people's willingness to experiment and push boundaries. In Europe, on the other hand, employees are more protected by stronger labor laws which can lead to stagnation as people don't have much incentive or motivation to push beyond their comfort zone or take risks.


Perhaps unsurprisingly, the US is also much more lenient when it comes to firing employees: companies are not legally obliged to offer a reason for dismissal, severance pay or other benefits upon termination of employment. Furthermore, employers in the US can lay off employees with little or no notice and without cause. In fact, under the U.S.’s at-will employment system, workers have very few protections in place to both help them keep their jobs and to cushion the blow ― financially, emotionally ― should they lose them. Recently, many tech companies have had to lay off large numbers of employees. In the US, these layoffs were executed at 3am in the morning with instant loss of corporate access. In Europe, companies cannot lay off employees overnight; they must provide at least a few days' notice before taking such action. In addition, companies are often required to provide severance pay or other benefits upon termination of employment, depending on local laws and regulations.

A good few European governments have implemented measures designed to protect workers in such situations as mass layoffs: for example, France has passed legislation requiring employers who lay off more than 50 people at once to negotiate terms with unions representing those workers. Similarly, some governments in Europe have put limits on how quickly businesses can lay off employees during a period of economic uncertainty. The fact that they can be let go with the snap of a finger (more or less) also keeps employees on their toes in the USA - all the more reason to work harder, keep innovating, differentiating, and advancing. Their loyalty to a company can be questionable, but perhaps it's better to be more mobile anyway, both for the individual and the employer, in terms of motivation, excitement, as well as ability to learn and grow.


These systemic differences naturally lead to significant differences in how people approach their daily lives - Americans often prioritize working hard and achieving success even if it comes at the expense of leisure time or job satisfaction, while Europeans tend to be more focused on work-life balance and enjoying life rather than striving for work success at any cost. According to a Pew Research Study, Americans are much more likely than Europeans to agree that “hard work is very important for getting ahead in life” (73 percent, compared to the European median of 35 percent), as well as disagree that “success in life is pretty much determined by forces outside our control.” It goes pretty much hand in hand with this that Americans prioritize individual liberty, while Europeans are more society-minded and believe it’s more important that no one is in need. Americans work much more than Europeans: according to the OECD, a typical employed American put in 1,877 hours in 2000, compared to 1,562 for his or her French counterpart. One American in three works more than fifty hours a week. In other words, Americans live to work, Europeans work to live.

"Back in 1980, the average American chief executive earned forty times the average manufacturing employee. For the top tier of American CEOs, the ratio is now 475:1 and would be vastly greater if assets, not income, were taken into account. By way of comparison, the ratio in Britain is 24:1, in France 15:1, in Sweden 13:1." That's a pretty big gap right there.

In most European countries, even if a white collar worker worked longer and harder and kept getting promotions and raises, the highest income bracket they can achieve is not much higher than that of an individual who works moderate hours and makes a modest income. Their kids will go to the same schools for the most part, they will both have more or less the same access to healthcare. They will both have the same paid days off and access to holidays and personal hobbies. That is why some of the executives at white collar jobs in Belgium thought for a little extra cash, it's not worth sacrificing their mental health, their family time, their hobbies, etc. The US is an excellent place to be rich, on the other hand. The sky really is the limit. You have the world's best schools, best medical facilities, most luxurious estates in the US. And if you are not doing well for yourself, you pretty much have no access to anything, even the most primary needs such as shelter, food, healthcare, etc. Tony Judt writes, in his article Europe versus America, "Back in 1980, the average American chief executive earned forty times the average manufacturing employee. For the top tier of American CEOs, the ratio is now 475:1 and would be vastly greater if assets, not income, were taken into account. By way of comparison, the ratio in Britain is 24:1, in France 15:1, in Sweden 13:1." That's a pretty big gap right there.


espresso, european pleasure focus

So do these lack of incentives (to be richer and richer, the more you climb the corporate ladder) in Europe kill ambition or inspiration? I wrote about ambition and greed last week. (Read my blog post here) We consider ambition to be a fundamental quality of a leader. It gives you energy, drive, purpose and direction. Most people who have done great things in life and succeeded in various areas have ambitious qualities. But there is also something to be said about having enough security to be able to be pleasure-focused. Wouldn’t it be great if everyone worked on what they loved, and could take public transport for free, be covered if they had a health-related need, could take time out to care for their kids or have subsidized childcare and world-class education for their kids, and still be committed to their work and innovate, advance, progress, and disrupt? What kind of incentives and security nets do we need to be able to push our boundaries, step outside of our comfort zones and take risks? My YOLO spirit says I'd rather enjoy a cup of Italian espresso, live in a non-consumerist society where grocery store workers don't have to work on Sundays and can also enjoy an espresso, be entitled to spend the first 6 months+ of my kids' lives with them and not worry about finances. My FOMO spirit, however, thinks there is always more we can do. We should always strive for more, be productive, consume information, produce ideas and innovate. As with most things, the magic equilibrium is most likely somewhere in between.


yolo fomo equilibrium, stagnation versus isolation




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